If my LinkedIN feed were to be believed, everybody seems to have arrived in life. Colleagues are doing workations in exotic locations, teenagers are launching startups, everybody (apart from you) is getting promoted or switching jobs, your friends are winning Forbes 30 under 30 and founders are raising Series A,B,C….Z and becoming unicorns.
You on the other hand are just aimlessly scrolling the news feed, waiting for the day when you will make it big.
As you browse social media, it’s easy to feel like you are the only one left behind.
If you do feel that familiar twinge of jealously while browsing social media, then don’t worry. It’s a problem faced by the young and old alike. In this article, I would like to take you through a few strategies which have worked well for me. Hopefully, they would also help you come out of the rut of jealousy and envy.
Why do we Feel Jealousy
Jealousy is not a new age phenomenon. It has its origin dating back to the evolution of humans themselves.
In a traditional evolutionary psychology model, jealousy is seen as an inherited response that increased our chances of survival and maximized the success of of our genes.
However, there is a cultural aspect to it as well. We are shaped by our culture. This explains why in different societies, people get ‘jealous’ about different things and to different degrees.
Jealousy has been a common theme in art, culture and literature since the advent of human civilization. Aristotle said that “We envy those who have what we ought to have or have got what we did have once.”
However, this “natural emotion” of jealousy has been exponentially magnified by the advent of social media. Every waking moment is spent looking at an idealized version of other people’s lives where they seem to have it all — loving family, self-fulfillment and professional success. Dr. Ethan Kross says that We are constantly being bombarded by “Photoshopped lives” and that exerts a toll on us the likes of which we have never experienced in the history of our species. And it is not particularly pleasant.”
Why is Jealousy bad for you
Envy is wanting to destroy what someone else has. It is silent, destructive, underhand — it is pure malice, pure hatred — Patricia Polledri
Jealousy might be a natural feeling but if unchecked, its harmful effects can accumulate over time. These can manifest in following ways: self-doubt, negativity and unecessary resentment.
I have personally witnessed the following negative consequences of jealousy:
Self-doubt & despair which might eventually lead to depression — You tend to become more reserved and withdrawn as you believe you are not good enough.
Frustration/Bitterness — Often, we start believing that our failures are because of others (friends, family etc) around us. And we might start snapping and venting our frustration on the people closest to us.
Cynicism — Everyone and everything seems to be flawed. It doesn’t take long before you become that person whose always finding faults in others.
Trolling — Have you noticed some people mercilessly trolling others on social media with expletives and abuses. If that is not jealousy spewing venom, then what else is?
We should not see jealousy as a simple, harmless emotion. Instead, we should take our tendency to “become jealous of other’s achievements/happiness” with utmost concern. We must make sustained effort to overcome these negative feelings.
Ways to Overcome Jealousy
Here are some strategies which can guide you in your journey of transformation.
1. Understand that social media is not an indicator of truth
When you fall into the trap of comparing your private self with other people’s public personas, you are bound to feel inferior! — Lifehacker
You don’t actually know the shit somebody is going through in their personal life. Just because somebody is celebrating an accomplishment in their lives doesn’t mean everything is hunky dory.
The below infographic by Julie Zhou beautifully explains how our perception is often far removed from reality.
Thus, the first step towards avoiding falling into the trap is knowing that a trap exists.
2. Change the way you use Social Media
Rather than passively using social media where you scroll aimlessly, why not start being an active participant where you are posting, messaging and commenting?
Dr. Ethan Kross says that the links between passive usage and feeling worse are very robust — we have huge data sets involving tens of thousands of people.
Here are some ways in which you can use social media more positively:
Celebrate the accomplishment of others — When your colleague, friend, acquaintance achieves something big, why not give them a genuine, heartfelt congratulation? You could give them a shoutout on social media, personally message them or even call them. Such simple gesture’s will not only brighten somebody else’s day but also make you happier.
Share the good news in your life — If something good happens in your life, why not talk about it? Acknowledging the good that happens in your life will definitely make you feel better.
Purge your social media — If there are people in your feed, whom you consider toxic or associate unpleasant memories with, just get rid of them completely. Peace of mind is more important than staying connected with someone online.
3. Use social media to connect & learn rather than compete
Instead of being bitter or envious of someone’s success, why not take it as an opportunity to learn from them?
I refer to this as becoming a “student of their success”.
When you give someone the stature of a teacher, you are less likely to feel jealous of them.
If it is somebody you know well, you could consider sending them a direct message and asking for guidance.
If they are a big shot and not very responsive, check out their blogs or interviews for guidance.
4. Practice gratitude (Count your blessings)
In this endless game of comparison, we focus too much on what we don’t have and too less on what we have. (The fact that you are reading this on the internet in a comfortable place means you are already in the top 1% of this world)
A little gratitude for what you have in your life would go a long way in making you happier and less jealous.
Some ways to practice gratitude include:
Use positive affirmations — This means identifying some positive phrases that uplift you and repeating them daily or whenever you start having negative thoughts. Consistent use of affirmations is really powerful and uplifting.
Start maintaining a gratitude journal — Gratitude journaling is the habit of recording and reflecting on things that you are grateful for on a regular basis.
Go to a religious place of worship daily or weekly and thank the almighty for whatever they have given you.
5. Self-reflection to figure out the root cause of your feelings
As Aristotle said, “We envy those who have what we ought to have or have got what we did have once.”
Maybe you are unhappy with your current job, relationship or career path? Whatever it is, spend some thinking about it. Understand what you need to do in order to get where you want to be.
Once you have identified what you need to do to achieve your goal, start working on it with everything you got. If you really want it, you must work for it.
In case you feel it is not achievable, then why worry about it? Take life as it comes and be happy about it. Happiness anyway shouldn’t matter on achieving/not achieving something.
6. Start helping others
When we take our attention off of our selves and our personal problems and dedicate ourselves to helping someone else, we gain so much in return. — Kathryn Lubow
One of the most fulfilling things I have experienced in life is to help others grow in their own careers. Ironically, I used the power of social media to achieve this.
So, try to find a way to give back something to the community. There could be multiple ways to do this — writing, teaching, volunteering etc. Sky is the limit if you genuinely want to make this world a little better than it currently is.
Conclusion
With the onslaught of social media, jealousy might have become our constant companion. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way.
There are multiple things we can do to overcome this — understanding that social media never conveys the full picture, using social media in a more positive way, becoming a student of other’s success, practicing gratitude, self-reflecting of what you want (and why), and finally helping others.
So, what’s your excuse of continuing to be jealous?
I really resonated with #6. Taking the attention off ourselves also enables us to enter the creative flow state, helping us accomplish purposeful work.